The Girl With the Blue Butterfly Tattoo.

Here is a story about a girl who arose from the darkness to live a life in the light.

This is my story behind my blue butterfly tattoo.

She’s a butterfly.

Always was, always will be.

Evolved, beautiful, and free to roam as she pleases.

But first she was a caterpillar.

Grounded in what she had always known to be true,

Yet something in her knew there was more.

The urge to see the world outside the nest was not going to go away.

This caterpillar had to leave her nest,

She was on a mission for truth.

She was inspired. She saw the light.

She wanted to jump right in.

She needed patience.

She had to plant her seeds.

So, she did, watered them with love and patience.

Some days were harder than others.

She didn’t understand why it had to take so long.

She grew restless, she thought she managed to let the light slip away.

Little didn’t she know it was all a part of the plan.

She had to cocoon, curl up and be still.

Stillness, she needed stillness.

She began to experience the peace that comes with stillness.

The stillness brought up the good and the not so good.

She saw parts of herself that she didn’t know existed.

Her shadow was exposed. Out in the open.

It was her worst nightmare, but it was necessary if she was going to learn to fly.

All of her work to push it down somehow backfired on her.

She was scared.

Worst of all she didn’t know how to trust herself.

She felt so alone in her own bubble.

Her bubble where she didn’t love herself.

Trapped, gasping for air.

She found relief in substances that offered her escape from her mind.

She thought she was in control.

The “medicine” blinded her perception.

It was okay at first, soothed her, eased her mind.

Until she woke up to the fact that

they became the master.

If she was going to fly, she needed to dive deep into the depths of her soul.

She began to understand that somewhere along the way she started to believe other people’s words as her reality.

She saw her cycle of never being good enough for what it was.

Although it was hard, she felt relief in the understanding of why she felt the way she felt.

She was a happy person she thought.

She realized that she was not.

And learned to accept the fact that only she had the power to change that.

She wished she had someone she could go to,

Someone she could share this with.

But she had to learn to come home to herself.

It was a part in her journey to flight.

So, she did, and she grasped that light again, and surrendered into it.

It wasn’t perfect, but that’s not how it was supposed to be.

She surrendered into the light because the pain was too much to handle on her own.

She did the work.

It wasn’t easy, but she was never alone.

Angels in the form of a best friend, a kind stranger, all teachers showing her clues along the way.

All she had to do was listen.

Deep diving into the roots of her suffering,

She began to see things for what they really were.

These feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt were never hers to begin with,

Passed down to her somewhere along the chain.

She felt compassion for herself.

She shared the love she unquestioningly gave for others with herself.

She was to break the chain, shed her skin,

And love herself in the way she had always deserved.

Unwiring subconscious beliefs that were holding her back from evolution.

Remembering the darkest days always come before dawn.

She came up for air.

This was working.

She was beginning to enjoy it.

She was seeing the world differently.

And not figuratively, but literally.

She saw real magic.

Her layers were shedding.

Sunsets that felt like electricity.

Dives in the ocean that felt like coming home.

Synchronic events that are nothing less than magic.

She found that when she could relax into her inner knowing,

She would experience the divine.

She was granted the freedom she always wanted.

She saw herself for the beauty that she was.

She was perfectly imperfect.

Lovely in every right.

She fell in love with her life and with herself.

She began to embrace herself and let go of the judgment she felt for her free spirit.

She wasn’t lost, all along.

She just understood more than them.

They wanted control, she wanted surrender.

She stopped putting her dreams in the hands of others and became the co-creator of her Universe.

She stopped chasing validation in people who overlooked her.

It didn’t happen overnight,

And there were plenty of nights where she would go to bed worried,

Fighting the thoughts of “what if I was wrong all along?”,

Thoughts of doubt that her dream of

Living a happy life where she loved herself and others as one.

She surrendered even deeper into her Faith.

Choosing to love over fear.

Day by day the light got brighter.

The dreams she dreamt for herself became true.

Her Universe is a place full of love and butterfly’s.

I was always enough,

I am enough,

I am a butterfly.

I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made - psalm 139.